every time i get sick it never fails. my body aches from head to toe, but i am hit with a tidal wave of emotions that could sink the titanic. i won’t bore the internet space with the details of my sensory overloaded dream, but i will say that at the same time i am remembering about the minute details of my years living in japan, i am also taking a pause from reading a very long poem entitled “the bridge” by hart crane. so, if this post does not make sense, i challenge you to read this poem. it alone will make you think.
so, for example of my memories.
there was this one time i took my daughter out late with me to go buy some groceries at the local supermarket. the weather was not so good, and of course, she got sick. but, i remember that while we were doing the memory, she and i had a grand time. it was, at the same time, i thought, yep, she will get sick. <–my attempt of explaining the different perspectives, of a choice that i make, at the same time
there was this time when i was running late for a job, and i thought, yep, if i can make it at least before the students got there, it would be ok. in other words, i could turn on the lights, move around the space a little, and have the lesson prepared, it would be ok. in fact, at the same time i thought that it would be a sign for me to start thinking seriously about moving back to the usa. <—i did, and now i am trying to find a way to get back to japan.
japan for me is an island, the island, where a lot of things began to open up for me. it was the place where i held a job longer than a few months. it was the place where i would ride midnight buses to save money, but upon getting to the destination, i was still scared. but it also is the place where i feel that i belong—at least part time at least. why? what could possibly make me want to go back? it challenges me. i like to be challenged and try new things. it would appear that i, like robert frost writes, have many more miles to go before i sleep.*