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every time i get sick it never fails.  my body aches from head to toe, but i am hit with a tidal wave of emotions that could sink the titanic.  i won’t bore the internet space with the details of my sensory overloaded dream, but i will say that at the same time i am remembering about the minute details of my years living in japan, i am also taking a pause from reading a very long poem entitled “the bridge” by hart crane.  so, if this post does not make sense, i challenge you to read this poem.  it alone will make you think.

so, for example of my memories.

there was this one time i took my daughter out late with me to go buy some groceries at the local supermarket.  the weather was not so good, and of course, she got sick.  but, i remember that while we were doing the memory, she and i had a grand time.  it was, at the same time, i thought, yep, she will get sick.  <–my attempt of explaining the different perspectives, of a choice that i make, at the same time

another time.

there was this time when i was running late for a job, and i thought, yep, if i can make it at least before the students got there, it would be ok.  in other words, i could turn on the lights, move around the space a little, and have the lesson prepared, it would be ok.  in fact, at the same time i thought that it would be a sign for me to start thinking seriously about moving back to the usa.  <—i did, and now i am trying to find a way to get back to japan.

japan for me is an island, the island, where a lot of things began to open up for me.  it was the place where i held a job longer than a few months.  it was the place where i would ride midnight buses to save money, but upon getting to the destination, i was still scared.  but it also is the place where i feel that i belong—at least part time at least.  why?  what could possibly make me want to go back?  it challenges me.  i like to be challenged and try new things.  it would appear that i, like robert frost writes, have many more miles to go before i sleep.*

*…The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

About charleswinstead

having lived in japan for 3.5 years i wish to "go back to the island" as often as i can. i lived from 1999-2003. i went back in 2007, then again in 2011. i am a full time teacher, so the best time to go for me is during the summer vacation. it works out well because i love the sensational feelings i get in japan during the summer...especially playing taiko and eating lots of ma-cha ice.

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